


Fade to Dust

by snowpoppies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mild Smut, Multiverse, One Shot, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:54:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowpoppies/pseuds/snowpoppies
Summary: Remus and Sirius die together at the Battle of Hogwarts, and wake up in a strange place they have both been to before, but have never been to together.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 42
Kudos: 111





	Fade to Dust

Remus opened his eyes with a start, grabbing for his wand on the ground next to him, only to find nothing there, nothing but grey. “Si—Sirius!” He shouted, looking around. 

He felt a hand on his wrist, “Moony, I’m right here.”

“Bellatrix, Dolohov! Where—” Remus stammered. 

“Moony, look around.” Sirius replied. 

Remus blinked for a second. Sirius was younger than he remembered him being just minutes before. The wrinkles and greys, which had accumulated prematurely from two wars and a 12-year imprisonment, had faded away. He was in a set of grey robes, which matched, well, everything around them. They sat by the lake, but it too was grey, lacking dimension. The castle in the distance was unmistakably Hogwarts, but, flat and blocky, as if everything was composed of shadows in greyscale. 

“Oh, we’re…” Remus started, biting his lower lip in concentration as he glanced around, “We’ve never died at the same time before. You know, usually I’m here alone, or with Tonks.”

Sirius blinked in confusion. “You mean my cousin Dora?” 

“Oh, that’s right, hm, you wouldn’t know.” Remus muttered, not sure how to explain. 

“Wouldn’t know what?” Sirius asked. 

“I didn’t realize… we only remember everything that happened in our lifetimes while we’re here, right? Can’t see what happens after. And er… you know, every time you um, hmm.” Remus stammered, searching for the word. 

“Die, Moony?” Sirius offered with a grim smile. 

“Yeah, but it feels like the wrong word for it while we’re here.” He gestured at the general grey around them before reaching over and grabbing Sirius’s hand, who happily laced his fingers into his. “Anyway, um, I suppose generally, after you die at the Department of Mysteries…” He bit his lip hard, inhaling deeply to fight back tears, “I’m just so overwhelmed by it all Pads, after I get you back, finally, and I only have, well one or two years depending, on if you fuck off to that cave for the first year or not.”

“Hey! I like that cave, and you don’t exactly owl me welcoming me back to our flat. And sometimes you’ve got that muggle boyfriend.” A slight edge entered Sirius’s voice at the thought. 

“Grant.” Remus corrected, sternly, before continuing, “And of course, I don’t just owl you, when we meet at the Shrieking Shack, I almost always forget my potion, and I end up attacking you—You know what, we’ve already hashed this out in the real world.”

“I’m just saying, maybe I would come lie low at yours a lot earlier, a lot more frequently, if you took some initia—” Sirius stopped short, shooting Remus a glare, “Don’t change the subject on purpose! How is it you always end up here with my cousin.”

“Okay, well, to briefly recap, generally, you die, I’m alone, I’ve lost you again, after only just getting you back. There’s a war on. And Tonks, well.” Remus took a deep breath, releasing a sigh, still not sure how to continue. “Come off it, Sirius, you know where this is going. We’d both lost so many people, and in our grief, we just sort of, came together.”

Sirius felt the beginnings of a grin, “Moony, you complete slag. You mean to tell me that every time I die first, you shack up with my cousin?” He turned to Remus with a laugh.

Remus rolled his eyes, “It’s not like that Pads, it’s like. Hard to explain, okay? She came after me, and you were gone, and she, well…” Remus unlaced their fingers and laid down in frustration, unable to find the words. 

Sirius followed suit, lying beside Remus, finding his hand again. Their eyes were fixed on the series of vignettes playing out in the grey, well, sort of sky, above them. 

The vignettes were sharp and full of color against the otherwise dreary backdrop. There was Remus, sobbing into the shoulder of a purple haired woman. Tonks. Tonks and Remus laughing, dancing in a kitchen that Sirius recognized as Andromeda’s. Remus slipping a ring onto her finger. Tonks holding a blue-haired child in her arms, Remus beaming at her shoulder. 

Sirius gasped, “Teddy.”

The vignettes shifted to a different life. This time, Tonks handing Teddy over to a teary-eyed Sirius, Remus beaming at his shoulder. An 11-year-old Teddy sprinting past shop fronts in Diagon Alley, with Sirius and Remus, hand in hand, struggling to keep up. An open door, a teenage Teddy on the front step, gingerly holding the hand of a beautiful blonde, smiling up at his dads sheepishly. 

Remus was crying now. “It barely ever gets to happen like that.”

Sirius felt tears prick at his own eyes, as he buried himself against Remus’s chest. “It actually makes me feel better to know he exists anyway. I’ll remember that next time I’m up here after the Veil, you know. That Teddy will still exist after me. You and Dora are probably amazing parents.”

Remus grimaced, “Actually Pads, you know how we just died?”

The scene above them shifted, to the halls of Hogwarts. A purple curse shot at Remus from Dolohov’s wand. Sirius prepared to shoot a counter curse at Dolohov, just as a green curse from Bellatrix made contact with Sirius.

Remus continued, “Well, usually, it’s…” 

The scene shifted once again, almost imperceptibly, as Sirius was replaced by Nymphadora Tonks. 

“Oh.” Sirius murmured, looking up at Remus. 

“Yeah.” Remus replied, avoiding Sirius’s eyes as tear streamed down his cheeks. 

“So, Teddy is usually…” Sirius searched. 

Remus let out a strangled sob, “An orphan, yeah.”

Silent tears spilled out of Sirius. “But Harry’s his godfather, right? Just like when he’s ours?”

Remus smiled down at him, kissing the top of his head, squeezing him tighter. “Yeah, he’s always got Harry. Andromeda too.”

“Well, the kid will be fine then.” Sirius replied, before a different thought entered his mind. He briefly imagined the times that Remus and Tonks survived the war together, raised Teddy. He knew what Remus looked like old. They had lived out countless lifetimes together. Had raised Teddy and Harry themselves many of those times. There was a pang in his stomach at the realization that his partner had lived out his days with another. 

“Moony?” Sirius whispered.

“Yeah, Pads?” Remus answered, matching his partner’s volume.

Sirius continued, stumbling over his words, “How often is it her… have you… Are you with her more than with me?”

Remus paused, considering, “Honestly, Sirius, no. Most of the time when it’s me and her it goes like this. We almost always die at the Battle of Hogwarts.”

Sirius felt relief, then almost immediate guilt, considering the implications this had for Teddy.

“I wish it wasn’t the Veil for you, so often.” Remus added, as an afterthought. 

“I wish Harry would remember to use the goddamn mirrors more often.” Sirius snorted.

Remus laughed, glad for the tonal shift. “Go easy on him, love, he’s only 15 when that happens.”

“Yeah, yeah, but come on kid. I give you mirrors for the EXPRESS PURPOSE of contacting me in an emergency, and the majority of the time he can’t even remember they exist.” Sirius said through his own laughter.

“Honestly, you would be a lot better off if you started giving them to Hermione.” Remus chuckled.

“Yeah well, he at least remembered the mirrors this time.” Sirius stated. 

“A lot of good that did us, look where we still ended up.” Remus replied. 

Sirius glanced around at the greyness. “Usually I hate it here, you know. Just me in this grey box of memories, waiting to start it all over again.”

“You’re always here alone then?” Remus inquired.

“Actually, sometimes James and I, we die together during the First War. But mainly, yeah, just me.” Sirius answered. 

Remus poked Sirius in the side, “Yeah, I’d say the company is markedly improved this time.” 

“Not pining for your girlfriend?” Sirius teased.

“Oi, that’s my wife.” Remus replied, with feigned indignance. 

“A wife,” Sirius said with horror, “I can’t imagine.”

Remus laughed, “Sirius that’s hardly true. I can recall at least three instances where you ended up married to Marlene McKinnon.”

“Those times hardly count. That only happens in Alternate Universes where everyone is hetero. I hardly know that version of myself.” He shutters. “Straight Sirius.”

“Yeah, those are definitely the strangest timelines.” Remus mused. 

“That’s what you call them, timelines?” Sirius prodded. 

Remus rolled his eyes and tugged at a piece of Sirius’s hair. “Better than Alternate Universes. Someone’s been watching too many muggle Superhero movies.” 

Sirius shoved at Remus’s stomach with mock force. “Come off it, the only times I watch those are when we are Muggles.”

“Yeah,” Remus confirmed, “and you drag me to the cinema for every single one. In fact, I remember you once made me go see the Amazing Spiderman twice.”

“Well, that Andrew Garfield is a right handsome bloke.” Sirius glanced up at Remus and raised his eyebrows teasingly, “Besides, you can hardly hold superhero movies against me, when I distinctly remember you dragging me off to see each Narnia movie.”

Remus answered haughtily, “I like to think, that even as a muggle, I am naturally drawn to magical worlds—”

“Moony, please,” Sirius interrupted, “we were the only pair of grown adult men at Prince Caspian, they’re children’s movies.”

“Well, what can I say? That Ben Barnes is a right handsome bloke.” He smirked and glanced down at Sirius, who was still curled against Remus’s chest. 

The vignettes above them had shifted, Remus and Sirius, somewhere in their late forties, sat in the cinema, Sirius’s head on Remus’s shoulder, their faces lit up by the screen in front of them. 

“What was your favorite lifetime.” Sirius asked dreamily, as he watched a version of themselves in the sky.

Remus smirked, “The one’s where I never met you.”

“Bugger off.” Sirius took his hand from Remus and sat up, suddenly cross.

“Sirius, I was only joking. I—” He sat up too and grabbed for Sirius’s hands. Sirius averted his eyes down, avoiding his gaze. Remus reached out with one hand, gently placed his fingers on Sirius’s chin, tilted his head up, and said, “In all of the thousands of lifetimes I’ve had, there hasn’t been a single one without you.”

Any trace of crossness evaporated from Sirius’s face as he leaned forward meeting Remus’s lips. Remus kissed him back, hard, their mouths moving in unison, Remus’s tongue flicking into Sirius’s mouth before pulling out and tracing the outline of Sirius’s lips. They were hungry for each other, desperate. They practically melted into one another. Sirius pulled Remus down on top of him, and Remus grabbed for Sirius’s wrists, pinning them above his head as his lips moved from Sirius’s lips down onto his neck. A moan escaped from Sirius, and Remus broke away for a moment. 

Against the grey drabness of this place, the notes of brown and green in Remus’s eyes bore into Sirius’s own blue eyes. They simply stared at each other, for just a moment, before Sirius bit his lower lip suggestively and begged, “Remus, I—I fucking need you.” Remus smiled at him, devilishly, before pressing into Sirius, driving against his hip. 

“Sirius, Sirius, fuck.” Remus moaned, releasing Sirius’s wrists momentarily to pull his robes off. Sirius sat up, pushing himself backwards quickly, out of Remus’s reach to pull off his own robes. Only halfway through disrobing, a fully disrobed Remus grinned, and grabbed Sirius by the ankle, yanking him back underneath him. He finished pulling off Sirius’s robes, tossing them aside. 

With no clothes between them now, they pressed their bodies against each other, and moans escaped both of them at the feel of bare skin against bare skin. Remus bit Sirius’s lower lip and bucked against him as Sirius writhed underneath him. After all this time, all these lifetimes, they knew each other’s bodies better than their own. They were lost in murmurs and moans of “Moony, Moony” and “Fuck, Sirius” and feverishly whispered declarations of love. The knowledge that the world around them could crumble into dust at any second fueling their desperate need for each other. As their pleasure peaked, the greyness around them seemed to turn white. 

For a second, Remus laid, still, on top of Sirius, the two of them just a tangle of limbs. Remus’s head was buried into Sirius’s hair. He inhaled the smell of it before turning his head to the side playfully nipping at Sirius’s neck. He propped himself up and gave Sirius a quick kiss, before rolling over onto his back, onto the grey, well, it wasn’t quite grass now, was it? Onto the grey shadows of grass. Sirius moved back to his favorite position, nestling against Remus, head in the crook of Remus’s shoulder, and began mindlessly tracing the scars on Remus’s torso. 

“I always did want to fuck you by the lake.” Remus grinned

“Well, this isn’t exactly the lake.” Sirius responded.

“I’ve never…” Remus mused, “…didn’t know it was possible here.” 

“What, not with… with…” Sirius began to ask. 

“No, never. It’s usually… well, you know, the pain of losing Teddy again. Anyway, it’s different with you.” Remus looked down and pressed a kiss onto the top of Sirius’s head. They laid there like that, for a few moments. 

“Moony?” Sirius broke the silence.

“Yes?” Remus replied. 

Sirius cleared his throat, before continuing, “I’m sorry I got cross earlier, it’s just, I’ve never… I’ve never had a lifetime without you either. And to think for a second that you had lived lives where you hadn’t even met me…”

Remus sat up, pulling Sirius with him, and looked him in the eyes. “Sirius, we will always meet each other. It’s fate, right?”

“Fate?” Sirius snorted. 

“Even the times we didn’t go to school together, lived in different countries even, something happened that brought us together.” Remus stated plainly. 

Sirius considered this before replying, “Yeah, like all those times James gave me the wrong bloody phone number.”

“Exactly!” Remus explained, “I mean, come on, that’s hardly a coincidence, right? We are so close to living a lifetime without meeting, and then somehow I have a text message from a handsome stranger in my phone?”

“Hmm, sure, sounds like divine intervention.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes, but feeling comforted at the thought. 

“Well, it’s something.” Remus replied. 

“How about that one time you were American,” Sirius started with a grin, “And we both became Olympic Swimmers?”

Remus laughed, “That one is hardly believable. Remus J. Lupin, Olympic athlete.”

“I think you are always athletic, it’s just, you’re terrified of flying, and you spend too much time reading books to really develop that side of yourself.” Sirius said, before another thought entered his head, “You made a wildly sexy Hockey player.”

“God, that was fun, wasn’t it? I think French Canadian is my favorite accent of yours.” Remus said with a smile.

Sirius smiled back, “I’m personally partial to Remus Lupin, Bass player.”

“I do look pretty good with an instrument; I’ll give you that.” Remus chuckled.

“Oi, remember when we met at the coffee shop?” Sirius recalled.

Remus groaned, “Yeah, you thought I was a homophobe.”

“Only for a couple of days.” Sirius shot back, and continued, “You always wore those patchy cardigans. Wizard or Muggle, Olympic athlete, or barista.”

“You’re one to talk, Mr. Leather Jacket and Motorbike.” Remus said with a grin. 

Sirius grinned back, “I’m nothing if not consistent.” 

As they spoke, they found themselves slowly reclining back down to watch the vignettes above them. They changed rapidly with the conversation. Remus and Sirius swimming laps together, gliding across ice, Sirius looking over the top of his beer with a dazed expression as he watched Remus perform with his band in the corner of the pub. Remus making lattes, trying not to get caught staring at Sirius as he worked the register. 

“Oh Moony, I love watching you pine after me.”

“You pined your fair share as well; I saw you eyeing me in the pub.” The vignette shifted to a different time, a different pub. Sirius staring at Remus, Remus laughing at something Lily had said. James looking at Lily, dumbstruck as always. Dorcas and Marlene were there too, already past their pining, tangled up in each other. Peter was walking back to the table, precariously holding five pints pressed against his chest.

“Ugh there’s Wormtail that slimey git.” Sirius spat.

“Hey, he’s bringing us beer at least.” Remus offered, though he could hardly mask his own hatred. 

“Doesn’t make him less of a git.” Sirius replied.

They looked at each other, both not wanting to continue watching the memory tainted by Peter’s presence, by his betrayal. 

In an attempt to steer the conversation in a more pleasant direction, Sirius said “Hey, you never answered my question earlier.”

“What question?” Remus asked. 

Sirius replied, “Which Universe, timeline, lifetime, whatever, which was your favorite?” 

Remus breathed in deeply, smiled, and gestured back up to the sky. A vignette began. They were at their Hogsmeade cottage, in the kitchen. Sirius at the head of the table, locked into an animated conversation, probably about Quidditch, with Harry and Teddy. Sirius’s wand was out, lazily floating dishes and cutlery from the cupboards onto the table. Remus, apron clad, was finishing up with some sort of poultry dish at the stove. 

“No Lily and James in that life.” Sirius spoke grimly. 

“Well, when we kept Lily and James, we never got Teddy.” Remus answered, exasperation in his voice

“Too busy being uncles for their brood.” Sirius smiled, in an attempt to steer the conversation back into more positive territory. 

But Remus continued, “Besides, most of the times we kept Lily and James you…”

The vignette of a happy domestic life swirled out of view, replaced by a hospital room in St. Mungo’s. Sirius in the bed, Remus beside him. James and Lily, in the doorway, a scarless Harry in her arms. A healer began to walk in, before Sirius abruptly looked away. 

He shook his head and stammered, “No, no, no, sometimes it worked, sometimes when I stayed the Secret Keeper, or you became the Secret Keeper, we avoided it all and then…”

The hospital was replaced by a back garden with three small Quidditch hoops. Lily and Remus drinking tea. James, Sirius, and Harry, about ten years old, along with two younger children zipping around on brooms. 

“Sirius…” Remus started, gently, “That only happened when Voldemort went after the Longbottom’s instead.”

“So, I guess it’s all just shit every time?” Sirius shouted, sitting up, desperation tinging his voice. 

Remus followed Sirius up, and put a hand on his leg. “Well, look, anytime Voldemort had his mind set on getting Harry, even when we kept trusting each other, no matter if I or you became the Secret Keeper, ultimately, you... you were tortured. I had to watch you… I had to…” Remus’s voice began to crack. “It never worked out Sirius.”

“It could still.” Sirius insisted. 

Remus shook his head, sadly, “No, I puzzle about this every time I’m here. Try to figure out a way…. some way… And you lose your mind, you don’t see what happens. When he doesn’t kill Lily and James that night, and the few times when he hasn’t attempted to kill Harry or Neville…he, they win the war Sirius. It’s like, either Alice and Frank die, and Neville gets the scar, or James and Lily die, and Harry gets the scar. And then sometimes you know, you know this. When Frank and Alice die, Bellatrix tortures James and Lily and it’s all…. Sometimes I think, if only we let Dumbledore be the Secret Keeper, then maybe… but I’m still not sure how we would protect you. They always think it’s you, they always come for you.” 

Remus’s breath became labored, as he shifted into panic. “How do I pick a favorite, Sirius? How do I choose who dies and who lives? How can I say I’m happiest in a world where Alice and Frank die, or happiest in a world where I, we, never have Teddy? I want to say I’m happiest when we get to raise Harry ourselves, but then how can I be happy when James and Lily don’t get to raise their own son? Fuck, how many more times am I going to have to live through this, Sirius? Watching everyone die, or get tortured into insanity? Watching you lose trust in me? October 31, 1981, Sirius? Live through thinking you betrayed us all? Then live through you dying again?”

Remus was shaking now. Sirius reached up and put a hand on his cheek. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.” 

Remus took a deep breath, steadied himself, and looked back at Sirius. “Can we—can we just look at happy memories.”

“Sure.” Sirius smiled. 

They laid back down, Remus nestled against Sirius’s chest this time. They wordlessly took turns choosing scenes, shuffling through a series of first kisses, of double dates with Lily and James. More kitchen scenes, some with Teddy and Harry, others with just one or the other. Some scenes from Hogwarts. Lazy mornings sharing a bed in the dorm. All the instances James caught them snogging, and the times they sat Lily and James down together to formally tell them. Their weddings, always small and intimate affairs. Sometimes they were young, and James and Lily were there. Other times, they were far older, but a similar messy haired boy and red headed young woman were instead in attendance. They avoided any scenes close to 1981. Avoided any Hogwarts shenanigans Peter was involved in. 

Their eyes were fixed on a scene of the Forbidden Forest now, wolf and black dog sprinting and nipping at each other under a full moon, when Remus noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The blocky grey castle in the distance was beginning to crumble into dust. He nudged Sirius, to get his attention, and pointed. The dust swirled in some unknowable breeze before disappearing into the void, as the castle, the trees in the distance, even the far side of the lake began to disintegrate. Sirius sat up with a start. 

“Moony, Moony, Moony,” He gasped, “I’m not ready.”

Remus sat up too, grabbed Sirius’s hands and pressed his forehead against Sirius’s.

“It’s okay Pads, it’s okay. I’ll see you there.” Remus tried to comfort him. 

“No, no, my parents, every time, whether I’m a muggle or a wizard… they… I can’t do that again.” Sirius gasped. 

Remus let go of his hands and wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him in close. “You always meet James at 11, right? No matter what.”

Sirius murmured back a muffled, “Yes.”

“And I’ll be there. Maybe it’ll be at Hogwarts, maybe in a coffee shop, but Sirius…” Remus pulled back from the hug, grabbing for Sirius’s hands again, looking him in the eyes, “Sirius Orion Black, I will always find you.”

Sirius stared back into Remus’s eyes, squeezing his hands. The disintegration was almost up to the lake shore now, they were almost out of time. “Moony, Remus, I... I fucking love you.”

Remus smiled as he watched Sirius begin to disintegrate, felt his own legs begin to fade, “I love you too, Sirius.”

And then, everything was dust.

**Author's Note:**

> It's a Wolfstar multiverse people! Everything is canon in my world! I draw inspiration from a lot of common themes and tropes used throughout Wolfstar fanfiction, but I do reference several works pretty explicitly:
> 
> All the Young Dudes - MsKingBeans89  
> Dress Up in You - MsKingBeans89  
> Blends - rvltn909  
> Currents - lunchbucket  
> Sweater Weather - lumosinlove  
> Also, I'm now on Tumblr @snowpoppieswrites


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